Person asks:
What do you think someone should do when they are in a "relationship" with someone who is sometimes-ish. (or thinking about trying to make it work again).
Michael answers:
GET THE HELL OUT OF IT! No seriously though, if someone isn’t pulling their weight, you need to consider if this person is worth your time. Clearly though they are and it’s not so much they aren’t pulling their weight, it just seems they are having trouble with either he weight or the fact if they want to pull it or not. This is where the thought of commitment comes into play. Do you believe this person is committed to you and not just you, the relationship also? That’s the main thing to focus on.
I can say I want to shovel the snow. I can look you in the eyes and tell you “I want to shovel the snow”. I can even make cute faces and actions all hinting at my shovelling snow. That doesn’t mean I’m going to shovel the snow and you know that already. You can see me resting on the couch day after day, as more and more snow piles in front the door. If this sounds like the situation above, then there are a couple things you also need to consider.
Is it that the person isn’t committed or are they feeling reluctant to try and make it work for whatever reason. Maybe they realized it was a bigger task than they thought and aren’t ready to take on the hustle that comes reliving the glory days.
Maybe they honestly thought it would be a certain way and were gravely disappointed. Maybe the spark is gone and is just trying to reinforced. Is there are a lot of sex in play? Lust is often confused for love and affection, which a relationship can’t survive on.
This sometimes thing bothers me. I can understand that the other person might be feeling like I said over whelmed and not as willing to give it their all, but there is a limit to how long this should take. I’m pretty sure everyone knows how much bullshit they are willing to take. Like I said, I can say I’m going to shovel the snow. Maybe even pick out some shovels and still never get around to shovelling that snow.
NOW! To the main point, where I answer your question.
If the person is afraid of the progressing relationship. Talk to them, tell them you are also afraid, make them feel comfortable. Just make sure you are both communicating and sharing feelings with each other.
If the person is overwhelmed by the relationship altogether, talk to them. Build some form of understanding a general foundation and work from there. Talk to each other, communication is key in solving anything. If you want something to work out with another person, you have to communicate with them and solve it with their help. A relationship is a team, not one person sneaking off to deal with things on their own, I could learn from that :P.
Sex can’t be the forefront, if that’s the issue, you need to once again go back to foundation and communicate. Talk to this person about what bothers you and get some information based on what they say. I can go over and over this, but until you sit down and talk to this person, there is only so much information I can provide you.
Let that be your final answer.
What do you do?
You talk to them about it. Understand why they are only trying and thinking and not DOING…
If you are really bothered by it that much, then be done with them. Of course I don’t believe you are quitter and clearly you care for them. Even still, I would not want someone to suffer, even if most people believe you must suffer for you love.
If you are good person, love will come to you with open arms.
Tweet
No comments:
Post a Comment