Questions from lovely people :) Part #3

Person asked:
how do u reject someone without hurting the other person?

Michael answered:
This question is almost impossible to answer. I will explain why in one word, sensitivity. Each person either more sensitive or less sensitive than next. Set’s say you walk into a movie theatre. You sit down, put your 3d glasses on , since everything is 3d these days, eat your popcorn and enjoy the show. The movie is a romantic comedy, I know those aren’t typical movies that use 3d effects, who cares. During a scene where the three falls on little Timmy, for whatever reason you don’t cry. You aren’t cold hearted, but you’ve seen enough movies with things like this included that it doesn’t bother you as much. A couple next to you is bawling their eyes out, tease all over their popcorn, ew. A couple teens in the front of laughing and cracking jokes and a couple other people are just sitting and texting on their phones. What did you see there?

You all saw the same thing, but you all didn’t feel the same way. You all took it differently. Those that were more sensitive, cried and the ones that weren’t laughed. See where I’m going with this?

It’s hard trying to determine how to reject someone, because you won’t know if it’s going to hurt them. You could easily say “I don’t want to be with you” and have the person go “alright, later” and they go about their business. Which is the correct way to deal with rejection, just brush it off. Most people will feel something though and that’s normal, it shouldn’t be about trying not to hurt them. It should be about making sure you get your point across. You are prolonging things and they will figure it out sooner or later, best to get it over with.

A lot of my female friends do this and as much as they think it’s nice and kind, it’s just confusing. Accepting a guys number, who wants to ask you out and then not answering the phone ever, is just stupid. Yes. I can see that it’s giving him a hint, but ladies we aren’t little boys, we are for the most part men and I’m sure we can handle a no and if not, either way we have to deal with no, because the world isn’t full of 100% yes.

You could always try the other approach which is just as bad and that’s lie or provide them with an obstacle.

FIRST DIRECT RESPONSE

1. I’m not that into you sorry.
2, You aren’t my type.
These work fine, they come on a little strong…but don’t try and lighten the blow with a hug, you just make him feel confused and hurt even more.

DON’T SAY THIS
“I don’t think it would work out” because when you say this, it gives the guy a chance to reason with you and you already made up your mind, you don’t want him.

YOU COULD TRY THESE, some are a little deceptive though

1. I have a boyfriend
2. I’m interested in another guy
3. I’m not looking for anything at the moment
4. I value our friendship way too much.
5. I like you as a friend.
6. You are a great friend.
7. I wouldn’t want to lose the friendship.
8. You are a like a brother to me.

OUCH! Alright these are sweet…the terms FRIEND and BROTHER are serious tools to use when rejecting someone. If anything just went talking to them, just mention how much you value the friendship and how good of a friend they are. How they are like a brother to you, they will get the hint sooner or later and know there place…

In the friend zone.

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