Someone asked me a question and as much as I hate to deviate for my typical format this one is sort of interesting. In this case, it’s hard to come out “winning” as Charlie Sheen would put it. You see the question I was asked was. IS IT WRONG TO GO TROUGH A SIGNIFICANT OTHERS PHONE WITHOUT PERMISSION, IS IT JUTSFIBLE OR A DEAL BREAKER? Now I find this as interesting question because there are many ways to approach this.
I have one example.
“Marsha Moore Anderson just happens to be on her boyfriend’s facebook. While there, she knows she should close it and respect his privacy, but she doesn’t. Without even suspecting anything, she’s just curious you know, she goes through his messages. A couple pages in she finds out he’s been cheating on her with, say her best friend and they’ve sent pictures of themselves to each other. The power of facebook.”
Now you see in this case, yes her boyfriend is in the wrong, but so is she. She can’t just go up to him and confront him, because what is she doing going through
his stuff? This is where the key aspect trust comes into play. Marsha shouldn’t have
been so damn nosey and her boyfriend should be more faithful. Both of them have displayed a lack of trust and decency, I guess that’s why it works lol I’m kidding.
A relationship only works when there is trust.
Do I think it’s wrong to go through a significant others phone? Yes.
It’s none of your business.
Even till this day and I don’t know if this is just me, but anything to do with my girlfriend’s phone and her personal connections, I stay out of it. If her phone rings, I’ll tell her, I won’t look to see who it is. It’s not my business. If she misses a call, I won’t see who called her; I’ll tell her she missed a call. It’s not my business. Text message and any sort of message, a heads up is all that is needed. It’s not my business, why do I feel the need to know who is the contact? I don’t.
If you trust your partner, you don’t need to go through their phone.
Let trust look at that phone.
You are looking at the phone without trust.
“I just want to make sure, they aren’t cheating on me.”
You sitting your ass down and letting trust look at the phone.”
“Hey, I know you want to check but honestly come on, you know it’s all good, don’t worry about it. In fact, I’m looking at it now and there is nothing here.” IN FACT something you find stuff you shouldn’t even be reading.
1. Important family issues, that don’t concern you.
2. A tragic accident that happened to a friend.
3. Someone else’s personal concerns.
Yes a relationship requires honestly and full exposure, but that doesn’t include the personal aspects that friends share with you, then you end up losing their trust and no one is happy.
Now do I think it’s justifiable? Of course I do, in some instances. Someone who has cheated before, is most likely going to cheat again or is very capable of doing so. Think about it. People have thought of cheating and never go through with it. This person has and what’s stopping them really from doing it again? Oh they love you? They said that to the other person too. They would never do it? Oh yeah, get real. You think people in relationships go “oh by the way, I might cheat on you, I probably won’t but there is a possibility.”????? HELL NO! If a person has cheated before, you better keep your eyes on them.
If you suspect they are cheating. Your best bet isn’t to go through their phone. No, your best bet is to ask them. Try that real heart to heart talk, bring up concerns worries and questions motives, for things you don’t fully understand. If the story doesn’t add up, then whatever, I’m not looking. Though prepare for a backlash of anger and disgust, once you find out nothing is going on and you are just paranoid.
If you do plan on catching them and they are cheating, at least get them to confess…this behind your back stuff isn’t good for a relationship. Not to mention, this sort of approach is just going to carry onto your next relationship…
Then when you find someone who can’t take, they’ll end it with you.
Is this a deal breaker? Yes. If you trust me, why do you need to go through my phone? When one can answer that question, maybe we can change if it’s a deal breaker. Honestly think about it. If you believe people should fully expose themselves fine, whatever but seeing things in the light, means things in the dark also need to be seen. Relationship aren’t always brightly lit…you can’t see your significant other everywhere, you don’t know what they are thinking or doing half the time. Trust does though, when you trust someone, things are easier to deal with.
Not trusting someone, that trip to the grocery store…they are cheating on me.
Trusting someone, they are going to get the milk. It’s just easier to deal with it.
Who needs all this unnecessary stress?
In short, ask questions.
Going through a S.O. phone. Don’t do it.
Just work on trust and communication.
If you can’t do that, you probably are better off cutting your losses and moving on.
By: Michael Richardson
Image taken by Michael Richardson
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